


A light from the shadows shall spring

by orphan_account



Series: All That is Gold Does Not Glitter [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:44:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>side stories focussing on Ori and Kili in that one AU where the quest to destroy the Ring happens early</p><p>A telling of how the kids got together during the quest,<br/>How they fell apart,<br/>And whether they will ever mend the pieces</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because I'm fundamentally unable of not getting distracted by romance, this exists so that maybe the kids will stop trying to steal the show in the main fic  
> (spoilers: knowing me, they won't)  
> (but I can try)

“I’ll protect you,” Kili whispered to his ear, and Ori almost _bit_ him, he was so angry.

 

It had been sweet once, to have his prince want to protect him. It had been _romantic_. Ori had been so _happy_ when Kili had first asked to court him, before they’d even left the Shire, and one of the first things the prince had told him was this, that he would protect him. And Ori, who knew he was small and fragile and just a _scribe_ , in spite of how brave he tried to be, had been glad of it. It had made him feel treasured.

Kili had repeated that promise several times during their travels. And it was good that he did, because things were dangerous, much more than what Ori had been warned against… And he was glad to have his prince to protect him…

Though much to his surprise, he didn’t _need_ protection that much. Well, not _all the time_. He didn’t do too bad against these trolls (even if his slingshot was useless against orcs later), and he fought just as well as anyone else against the goblins. But he was still glad when they got out of these dreadful caves and Kili kissed him, and promised again that he would protect him.

“I’ll protect you too,” Ori had replied, the fire of the fight still burning hot in him… but Kili just chuckled, and kissed him again.

The scribe didn’t have time to ask then what had been so funny, because too many things happened… but for the first time since they had begun courting, he felt _angry_ at his prince.

 

Their short stay at Beorn’s improved things a little. A great part of their courtship had been… less than ideal. They’d chatted a little at night, or while riding their ponies or walking, but it was never enough. But with a chance to sit down, and a firm order from Gandalf to rest… they were finally able to properly _talk_. They traded stories about their families, about their apprenticeships, about their dreams… Kili hoped to become a renowned warrior because that would please his uncle, but more than anything he wanted to be a great smith who would make weapons for other renowned warriors… Ori on the other hand wanted to remain a scribe, and write history, but he was more than happy to have been given a chance to also make it happen.

“Dwalin said that I fought well,” he claimed proudly as they were lying in the grass together, somewhere where the others wouldn’t find them. “He said I can borrow his hammer any time I want.”

Part of him hoped that Kili would agree, and say that he had fought well. He realized suddenly that he didn’t _want_ the prince’s protection, not anymore. It had been nice when he had thought himself barely capable of handling the dangers of this quest, but he wasn’t a fragile scribe, not anymore. Dori might still treat him as such, and Dwalin was protective too… But Ori knew now that he was capable of more things than he’d ever have thought. The Ori of Ered Luin might have been told time and time again that he was too small and too young to handle troubles on his own, but he was a new Ori, one that had fought side by side with old warriors, one who had killed enemies and shown he could hold his ground…

He didn’t need to be protected, not anymore, and he hoped that Kili would see it...

He should have _known_ that nobles didn’t see commoners as their equals. His mother had told him so often enough. The first dwarf she hadn’t married had been noble after all… Dori’s father he’d been, and he hadn’t married her because she hadn’t had the _right_ personality, because a low birth dwarf marrying into nobility had to be shy and grateful, and Ari had never been either, she'd been as proud as a queen...

“Should I get jealous that you get so excited about having Dwalin’s hammer?” Kili teased, missing the point so _entirely_ that it _had_ to be on purpose.

And it hurt that Kili would take him as a joke, it really did… but at the same time, he knew that compared to the dwarves Kili had lived with all his life, Ori really wasn’t anything impressive…He would just have to do better from now on.

So he forced himself to ignore his prince’s joke and kisses him instead, simply because he _could_.

 

But for all that he knew he didn’t need to be protected, Ori was occasionally glad that Kili was of a different mind.

Nightmares had started to hit him after their encounter with Azog, terrible dreams of endless falling… but sleeping in Kili’s arms helped.

He didn’t _need_ to be protected, but Kili still made him feel _safe_.

 

Things changed in Mirkwood.

That forest was bad, attacking their sanity and getting on their nerves. The smallest things threatened to turn into terrible arguments, Ori found himself snapping at his brothers more than once… and even with Kili he just barely managed to keep in check. He didn’t _want_ to have a fight with Kili, because they were in love and they were happy and Ori didn’t want to risk that…

Even if it was getting infuriating, the way the prince always kept close to him and kept reminding him to _stay on the road_ and to be _careful_ and to not get too far, we don’t want to _lose_ you… and then there was the way he wouldn’t let go of Ori’s hand, even if it wasn’t practical sometimes, and the prince held him too tight at night when they were trying to sleep in spite of the noises around…

“I’ll protect you,” Kili whispered the night after they had lost the path, and it was too much.

They had been lying side by side, Kili’s front to Ori’s back, a coat thrown over them both, Kili’s arm too tight around Ori’s waist, but the scribe still managed to escape and turn around.

“I don’t need protection,” he spat. “I can hold my ground.”

“What?”

“Don’t treat me like I’m fragile. I can fight, just as easily as any of you!”

“I’m just trying to help,” Kili dryly replied.

“If I wanted your help, I’d tell you. Did I ask for it? No. Then you don’t help me. I need no protection.”

The prince frowned, biting his lips, a spot of red on his cheeks.

“You don’t mind when it’s Dwalin helping you,” he said, a little too casually.

“Dwalin’s only doing it when I need it,” Ori retorted, wondering what this had to do with anything…before he realized that these last few days, the worst of Kili’s protectiveness had happened when he was talking to the old warrior, that the prince always found a reason to interrupt them, or would just grab Ori’s hand nonchalantly and stay there, silent… “You… Kili, are you _jealous_?”

“I don’t know. _Should_ I be? I mean, he’s strong and everything a dwarf should be… Can’t really blame you if you’d rather have him look after you than a bloody elf-face like me, right?”

Ori found he couldn’t say a word in answer to that attack. He was too furious to speak, and too hurt. It was bad enough that Kili would think him capable of cheating on him… but that the prince could accuse him of just wanted someone stronger to protect him, as if it were all that he could want in anyone, as if he were so weak that his only interest laid in getting someone strong to watch over him…

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Ori hissed, “and I’ll go sleep with my brothers, thanks.”

“What, because I’m _right_?”

“No, because we’re _over_.”

The words left Ori’s mouth before he could help himself, and he didn’t mean them, not really. He just wanted Kili to apologize for treating him as weak… and for a second the prince looked so hurt that Ori was sure it would work, and that they would talk about it and be back together like before, better than before since Kili would understand at last…

But then, the prince’s face hardened. “Fine, go back to your brothers. I should have known I couldn’t keep you. Go be happy with Dwalin, if that’s what you want.”

“It’ll be easier being happy with him than with you,” Ori replied instantly, too hurt to be anything but furious. “Maybe _he_ won’t treat me like a damn _thing_ that he can _keep_.”

And before the prince could insult him again, the scribe got up and strided to the place where his brothers were sleeping. Nori woke up a little when his younger brother made himself comfortable next to him, but not enough to even open his eyes.

“Not sleeping with the prince?” Nori mumbled.

“Not tonight, and never again,” Ori replied. “We broke up.”

“Hm… you’ll see, getting back together’s the _best_.”

Ori didn’t answer, and forced himself not to glance toward the spot where he’d been sleeping earlier… but he still heard Kili get up, and walk toward his brother and uncle.

“I don’t think we’ll be getting back together,” he told Nori, huddling close to him. “I think Dori was right and I’m not ready for it… I think Mama was right, and love’s _shit_.”

Nori chuckled, and pulled him closer… or tried to at least, because Ori resisted. He hadn’t escaped Kili to get entrapped again. Thankfully, Nori didn’t insist.

“We’ll see that tomorrow, when the sun’s up,” the thief yawned. “Love’s always shit after a fight… And just one fight doesn’t always mean the end…”

“It does this time,” Ori insisted, because it was a matter of pride, because he couldn’t ever remain in love with someone who saw him as less than he was… He didn’t have money, and he didn’t have a noble lineage, but he did have pride, and he would not lose it.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning,” Nori suggested. “And if really things are so bad… I’m on your side, ready to help if you ever need it.”

Ori nodded, and turned his back to his brother.

He didn’t want to explain the tears, and why it wasn’t his _brother_ he wanted to hear say these words.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili's side of the break-up

A prince had to protect those he loved, she had always been told, and he had to love the entirety of his people.

Kili didn’t really want to be a prince, and there were a lot of individual dwarves in her uncle’s people that she didn’t like at all, but the lesson had stuck with her anyway. She had to protect those she loved. It was her duty, it was the best way to show she cared.

And she cared a terrible lot, more than they probably new. The very fact that she had renounced to being called a woman was proof enough of how much she cared, she liked to think. It was uncomfortable sometimes… a lot of the time, in fact… but as a child she’d heard often enough her uncle say that their family needed warriors, people capable of protecting their people… and it wasn’t that women couldn’t fight, but they didn’t do it the same way. Women were smiths and artisans first, warriors afters. Men were the opposite, and while it was important to have great artisans, Thorin always said they lived at a time where the more warriors, the better.

Kili would have liked better to be a smith… but if Fili had found the strength to renounce being a musician for the sake of his duties, even though he loved music the way other dwarves loved their spouses, then she too could make a few small sacrifices, and be the prince that her people needed.

Duties first.

Well, duties mostly first.

Her duties were not quite what she had on her mind when she started chatting with Ori in Bag End… nor when she started flirting with him later that night, and for the days that came after… even less when she asked to court him.

But even Thorin didn’t seem to mind that she was getting distracted by their scribe. And why should he? Ori was good and nice and polite, so clever and so _brave_. He was perfect and Kili wanted to keep him safe from the entire world. She’d never fully understood why it was so important to protect people before, as she’d mostly thought that people had to be able of take care of themselves… but whenever she saw Ori, she was appalled at the thought of everything that could happen to him…

Of course, it didn’t help that Ori was reckless.

Her mother would have laughed to hear her use the word to describe someone else, when Dis had so often accused Kili of the same thing.

But Ori was reckless, throwing himself into fights with as much passion as Kili, though less skill. Kili was constantly terrified that she might lose her lover, and she suddenly felt a great sympathy for her mother. To think that Dis had to worry twice that much… or even three times, because she had Thorin to mind too. Kili promised herself she’d be a little quieter in the future, as soon as she could afford it.

She never told Ori to calm down, though. He seemed so proud every time he fought well… and he had enough of Dori coddling him and reminding him to be careful all the time.

“Like I’m a child,” Ori grumbled sometimes as they were snuggled against each other at night. “I’m not. Thorin accepted me on this quest, it’s proof that I’m no child.”

Kili nodded, and kisses him, but never answered. It was true that he was no child, but she wished he’d listen to Dori’s advice more, and take less risks… only she couldn’t say that, or he might get angry at her.

  
  


If Kili had been a little less biased, she would have been glad to see Ori and Dwalin become friends. She knew she should have been happy to see her lover train with her uncle’s friend, because he was such a great warrior, and a good teacher too… and it clearly made Ori very happy.

Which was the problem.

Up until the day Dwalin had first handed his hammer to Ori, “because you can’t go on fighting with just that wee slingshot”, Kili has seen her lover laugh and joke and be openly happy with someone else for the first time.

She would never have imagined that she’d be the jealous sort, but apparently, she was. And how could she not? Dwalin was everything a dwarf ought to be, everything a man ought to be, whereas she… she could only try to _pretend_ she was a man, and knew she’d never quite look the part. She never moved or talked quite the right way. Dwalin did.

Dwalin did, and he was perfect, and Ori seemed to have such great fun with him. Watching them train together was like having her heart ripped out of her chest repeatedly, but she couldn’t stop.

  
  


Kili hadn’t meant for them to have a fight. She still didn’t understand _why_ the fight had started… though she did know that she shouldn’t have mentioned her jealousy of Dwalin.

She’d never thought they would be breaking up over something so silly.

She’d gone to sleep with Fili, furious against Ori and convinced that she hated him and always would… but by morning her anger had disappeared, and she’d gone to greet him, certain that Ori too would have had the time to see reason. They would kiss and make up and…

“I told you we were over, didn’t I?” Ori growled, pushing her away when she tried to kiss him.

“Yeah but that was last night,” Kili mumbled. “Wait, you’re really angry at me?”

“ _Guess_.”

Kili frowned in confusion. That wasn’t her plan at all. They were supposed to have made up. She loved him, and he’d said more than once that he loved her too… so why was he now acting as if he wanted to remain angry at her?

“But it’s stupid that you’re still angry,” she protested. “I did nothing wrong!”

“You treat me like I’m fragile! You treat me like I need to be protected!”

“Well, you _do_!”

Just as the words left her lips, Kili knew that this had been the wrong thing to say. The way Ori looked at her… the anger burning in his eyes was something she’d never thought she’d see directed at her.

“You know, maybe I do,” Ori said, his voice icy like the coldest of winters. “But not by you. Never again by you. So don’t you ever talk to me again. From now on, I’ll protect myself, thank you very much.”

“As if you could,” Kili spat, and that too was the wrong thing to say, but the idea that Ori could dismiss her so easily, over something so silly… it made her feel as if she didn’t matter to him, not the way he matter to her. It hurt, and since he so clearly didn’t love her, then she wanted him to hurt too, even just a little. “You’re not a warrior…  you’re too _soft_ , without someone to look over you, you wouldn’t last a day in the wild.”

She felt almost happy when the insult worked, when Ori did look pained… but then that pain turned to absolute hatred and she knew that she had lost him for good.

“I’d rather be too soft than be stupid like you,” the scribe growled. “Now if you don’t mind, I promised Dori to help him with his hair. So go back to your brother, and leave me alone.”

“Yeah, I’ll leave you alone, and gladly too.”

  
  


It was hell, being away from Ori.

She’d gotten so used to him. It had only been a few weeks, but he’d become such an important part of her life, and she needed him the way she needed her brother. Fight or not, break up or not, she loved him, and every moment she saw him, she was fighting an impulse to take him in her arms and kiss him. She needed his lips, she needed his laugh, she needed his warmth against her at night, she just needed him, period.

It was awful being away from him, and knowing that the separation was hitting Ori pretty hard didn’t help.

She still didn’t understand why it’d been wrong that she wanted to keep him safe, and she understood even less why he was pushing her away when he was so obviously miserable like that.

She tried to talk to him again.

He made it clear that he didn’t want to talk to her. After a few attempts, he even brought Nori into it, and that was it. Kili wasn’t always the smartest dwarf of them all, but she wasn’t stupid enough to risk Nori’s anger.

It was the end then.

They were still in love, she knew it, but it was the end.

  
  


She hadn’t meant to flirt with Tauriel, not really. Most, if not all, of what she felt for the elf was admiration. Tauriel was such an incredible warrior, and yet she was so graceful and beautiful and nothing at all like a dwarf.

It hadn’t started as flirting, but as soon as she’d noticed the angry looks Ori sent their way… well, maybe then Kili _did_ flirt a little. To show that she didn’t care at all what he thought, to prove that she was moving on… and also because Tauriel was just a fascinating person.

Kili liked her a lot.

And the more it seemed to anger Ori, the more she liked Tauriel.

It was petty, and cruel, but she was still so furious… she loved him so _much_ , and she knew he loved her too. It wasn’t just wishful thinking, no matter what Fili said. Ori loved her, and he too was fighting the same impulses to be close again. Even when Bilbo freed them from their cells, there was a moment when she was sure Ori was going to jump in her arms… he only stopped at the very last second, when he remembered that he was supposed to hate her.

She almost apologized right there and then. She didn’t know what she would be apologizing for, but she couldn’t stand it anymore, being away from him. She would have said anything at all to having him back in her arms…

Now was not the time though, not in the middle of an escape…

But as soon as there would be a moment of quiet, as soon as their life would stop being constantly in danger… 

Then she would talk to Ori, and they would find a way to be happy again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little thing that takes place between chapter 6 and 7 of "From the Ashes"  
> Ori doesn't like the snow

The snow that started falling was the last drop for Ori.

He’d managed to bear it all fairly well, up until that point. He hadn’t complained once (unlike Bofur who was always complaining... but he made them laugh with it and so they didn’t mind) and he’d forced himself to remain mostly friendly and to talk to everyone as much as he managed (which wasn’t much of course, but it was still more than Nori who hadn’t said two words since they had entered Mirkwood, and Bilbo who spent most of his time in silence since the elves had joined, unless he tried to play the peacemaker). He had also managed to not shout at Kili even _once_ , even when the prince tried to force some unwanted help upon him.

And he hadn’t bothered _anyone_ with his nightmares, nor his occasional moments of panic where he could hardly breathe at all because he felt like he was in the middle of a fight once again, or surrounded by spiders, or watching Kili’s grey face as a boat took him away from the prince, or carrying Dori with his shattered legs after the battle, or falling and falling and _falling…_ all the things he pretended hadn’t happened while he was awake, but that came back to haunt him as soon as he closed his eyes.

He’d done great, really, but the snow was too much for him. He was glad that he was on watch while everyone slept when it started snowing, because he just couldn’t stop the tears. He was too _tired_ for this, tired and _cold_. Maybe everyone had been right about him, maybe he shouldn’t have decided to go with Bilbo… maybe he shouldn’t have followed Thorin either, because that hadn’t exactly been a great moment of glory for him…

Well, not that he’d done so bad of course, but there had been this whole this with Kili...

And he didn’t want to think about that.

It hurt too much to think about Kili, and if he thought too much about him, Ori might do something stupid. Such as say he’d been wrong, just so Kili would stop being angry at him at last.

But he hadn’t been _wrong, Kili had, and the prince shouldn’t have treated him as if he were fragile, which was bad_ , before flirting with an elf right in front of Ori, which was _worse…_ And damn his pride maybe, but he _couldn’t_ say he was wrong when he wasn’t, and he hated how Tauriel and Kili laughed together sometimes, how Kili looked so _happy_ with her.

And now it was snowing on top of it all, and Ori was crying, and he just didn’t care anymore.

He startled when something heavy and warm fell on his shoulders, and without a thought, he jumped to his feet, grabbed the dagger hidden inside his left sleeves and swinged it behind him, ready to stab…

Kili gasped, and quickly took a step back to avoid the blade.

“What, I can’t even do that now?” the prince whined. “I’d have done it for _anyone_ else you know, you’re the only one of us without a blanket to keep warm right now…”

Forcing himself to breathe again, Ori looked at his shoulders… and lowered his arm. Kili had given him his coat. It made him want to cry again. He couldn’t now that the prince was with him, but it reminded him of other times when Kili had shared that coat with him, and how they usually also shared a few kisses while they were at it… and he missed that, he missed it so _much_ , but he’d been right to be angry at Kili, even Nori had said so, and they _couldn’t_ be together anymore.

“You look awful,” Kili told him, taking a careful step toward him, looking ready to get back if the blade was raised again. “Not just tonight. How long was it since you slept properly?”

“What is it to you? If you want someone who looks pretty all the time, go see Tauriel, not me.”

Kili winced, but took another step.

“I know you are going to be angry at me if I say I worry about you, but I do,” the prince sighed. “You might not allow me to worry as a lover... and it’s true that… I’ve not been too great with you...”

That caught Ori’s attention. It was the first time Kili even came close to admitting he’d done anything wrong. Something in Ori’s face must have encouraged him, because he took another step, and suddenly they were close enough to almost touch… and Ori missed that, just as much as he missed the prince’s laugh and his terrible jokes or his moments of brilliance…

“I still think I didn’t do anything wrong whenever I tried to protect you,” Kili announced proudly, and Ori stopped wanting to kiss him because he wanted to kick him instead. “But I think I’m starting to understand why you didn’t like it, and maybe I should have listened to you when you said that you could hold your ground. But I was worried, and I didn’t want to lose you, and…”

“And you lost me anyway when you looked at that elf as if she were a star fallen to earth,” Ori spat. _You lost me when you thought I was cheating on you with **Dwalin** of all people_, he didn’t add. “But don’t worry, I understand you. She’s very pretty, for an elf, and you make a cute couple. And she’s never going to need any protection. Good job on not picking some useless weakling this time… Your uncle won’t like it, but I’m sure your mother will like that you found yourself a true warrior.”

Kili frowned and growled. “How many time will I have to apologize for this? The things I said to her were a mistake, and... I’m trying to make things better, I am, but no matter what I say, you take it the wrong way!”

“Because sometimes there’s just no _right_ way to take it.”

“Oh, you’re so… I swear, half of the time I don’t even know why I love you when you insist so much on hating me!” Kili snapped, stomping. “You’re just… but I didn’t come to have yet another argument. I wanted to ask if… if you’d like to sleep with me, maybe.”

“Right after you said you don’t know why you… have any sort of feelings for me? That’s great timing,” Ori laughed, trying desperately to not jump to the prince neck and kiss him. He had to make him go away, fast, or his resolve would crumble and he’d forgive Kili… and then before long the prince would treat him like glass again, and they would fall apart again, and Ori wasn’t sure he’d bear it, not _again_.

“I don’t mean sleep as lovers,” Kili explained, frowning again. “Your brother’s right there and you hate me, I’m not stupid. But I remember… you used to have nightmares right after the goblins’ caves, and at Beorn’s, until… until you came to sleep with me rather than your brothers. And… I know you’re furious at me, and you don’t want to forgive me, but… Ori, you _need_ to sleep. You’re part of this fellowship, and we need you in good health, and… M’al, I’d tell you to sleep next to Bofur or Radagast if I thought it could help, but…”

“Okay.”

“What?” Kili mumbled, startled.

“I said okay,” Ori repeated in a sigh. “I’m too tired to fight you on that, and if there’s any chance that it might work I’ll take it. But if it doesn’t, you’ll have to leave me alone.”

Kili nodded eagerly, looking as if Durin’s day had come early and he couldn’t figure out if he liked his presents or not. As if he feared that Ori might change his mind, the prince quickly went to wake Legolas up. Before the elf could fully understand what was happening, Kili dragged Ori to his mattress, and they settled together as comfortably as they could.

It was strange to be so close again, after so long. They were both wearing too many clothes to feel each other's warmth. But with Kili laying on his side behind him, one arm tentatively wrapped around Ori's waist, it was hard not to remember other nights where they had shared heat.

More than ever, Ori was tempted to turn around and kiss his prince, but he managed to resist. They had tried that once already, and it had only hurt them both.

He would not make that mistake again. Love was more trouble than it was worth, and if his own case had not been enough proof of it, if all the trouble his mother had gone through wasn’t enough of a lesson, he only had to look at Bilbo and Nori to confirm that love just wasn’t worth the pain.

"Are you comfortable?" Kili asked, and the warmth of his breath against his neck and ear made Ori shiver. He knew he should have asked the prince to remove his arm. It was too much familiarity, too much closeness. But it just felt too good. And it was so little, he could allow himself this at least.

"It will do."

"Good. Sleep safe, love. I'm here with you, nothing can harm you."

Ori almost retorted once again that he didn't need protection, that he wasn't _fragile_... But he was too tired for it, and he did feel safer with Kili. So he just closed his eyes, and quickly fell into a blessedly dreamless sleep, the sort that he could only get when he was near his prince.


End file.
